Attention. If You're a Rock Star Over 35, Your Grave is Ready.

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 9:45 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Someone with a lot of time on their hands did a webpage (overtly religious) that shows how rockers tend to die at half the age of regular folks.

Not that it's much of a surprise. In a lifestyle where booze, drugs, car crashes, suicide, murder and choking on vomit while unconscious are the top ways to go -- yeah, then it would be common to flame out at a young age. According to their stats:

The average age of an American at death: 75.8 years
The average age of a rock star at death: 36.9 years

Click on the link below and scroll through the list of dead rock stars to see the age when they died and what caused it. You might get a jolt from some of the entries -- You mean the guy from Blind Melon is dead?!? Even though it is a long list it doesn't look complete or updated. Like that dude that sang for Alice in Chains isn't on the list -- Layne Staley, and a couple of rappers I could mention. And isn't calling Stu Sutcliff a Beatle a bit of a stretch?

Read it and weep -- Dead Rock Stars.

"Road Warriors" Busted for Re-inacting the Convoy Attack

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:08 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Through the post-apocalyptic wasteland that looks a lot like Texas, fans of the cult film "The Road Warrior" were driving in a convoy merrily on their way to a movie marathon. Only problem was, they were menacing a tanker truck while armed with fake machine guns. And dressed like Humungus.

Go ahead and guess the rest. Highway drivers were scared shitless and called the cops on the warriors of the wasteland.

The group was made up to look like the Warrior Max, Wez, the Feral Kid, and Humungus ("The ayatollah of rock and rolla") so they were bound to attract attention while driving a black V8 Interceptor. And chasing a tanker truck (was the driver in on it?) while channeling the most exciting chase scene and demolition derby ever filmed on a barren highway isn't easy to do., Reports say that the convoy group set out from Boerne to San Antonio unaware that 911 got several calls from motorists who reported a "militia" surrounding a tanker.

When police caught up with the group, they charged 11 people with "highway obstruction" and "possession of prohibited knives." It's estimated that over 25 people participated, but no word on if anyone had the balls to recreate the role of the Gyro captain flying above in a tiny gyrochopper while dropping live snakes on people. Or who wore bare butt leather chaps.

One of the organizers of the convoy, Chris Fenner, called the arrests "unfair." He said he didn't know why anyone would have confused the costumed crew recreating a scene and thought they were a real threat. "I honestly don't know how that could be, because 'Road Warrior' was so over the top." (Just like this stunt, cool as it was.)

Sadly, the movie marathon was canceled after the arrests, since the majority of the attendees were in jail.

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Kidnapped Gnome Has Excellent Adventure. Meets Paris Hilton.

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 12:20 AM | Permalink | Comments ( 3 )

He's just an average gnome that stood quietly in the garden in the front of a home belonging to a woman named Marianne Severson who lives in Redmond, Washington.

But for spring break, a group of college students kidnapped the ceramic ornament from Severson's home, and took the less-than-foot-tall gnome on an interstate joyride to California and Nevada, where he hounded celebrities for photos. He then hung out in Vegas for awhile before returning mysteriously home with a photo album documenting his excellent adventures.

Upon finding out about the kidnapping, Mrs. Severson told Matt Lauer of NBC's "Today Show" that she alerted her husband: "We've been gnomed!"

One of the pix in the album shows the little guy snugging with Paris Hilton at an L.A. gas station, with patient paparazzi standing in the background. One of their photos of the heiress and the gnome made it into People magazine (above). Then it was off to Las Vegas to get pictures taken with Elvis and Marilyn impersonators, and then waitresses from Hooters.

, Mrs. Stevenson also said she's had a phone conversation with the college student who 'napped the gnome. She still doesn't know who he is, but she thanked him for choosing her gnome for the trip, and added, "The next time he does this, he should take my husband and me because we haven't been on vacation in years."

She is convinced the gnome in the pictures is hers, because it's an original which she hand-painted it herself.

Read the full sordid details at msnbc.msn.com

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Fans Stealing "Vote Rick James" Signs

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 12:38 AM | Permalink | Comments ( 3 )

For those of you dying to cruise through Hattiesburg, Mississippi, and lean out of the window and scream, "Super Freak" now is the time.

Some guy who happens to be named "Rick James" is running for a seat on the Hattiesburg City Council. (I know, who cares but read on.) But the campaign has been publicized all across the US thanks to Dave Chappelle and his Comedy Central show. In fact, Dave's catch phrase is "I'm Rick James, bitch!"

Now, because of Chappelle and his show, people are cruisin' Hattiesburg and stealing all the "Vote Rick James' yard signs. The candidate's wife even wrote in to Chappelle and pleaded, "we would appreciate a small campaign donation for more signs, as we are working-class people and financing this campaign out of our own pockets. Each time a sign is stolen, it costs us $4.75!"

"Every time a 'Rick James' piece runs on your show, we stand to lose dozens of signs overnight, which end up decorating people's front yards and dorm rooms ... the yard signs have been spotted at least 100 miles from our home by truckers ..."

(This is the best part) "Also," Mrs. James continued, "young children on bikes scream, 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' as we drive by in our car with our 'Rick James' car signs ... People even drive by our home and scream, 'Super Freak.'"
, Hilarity reigns in Hattiesburg. Who knew young tikes on bikes had ever HEARD of the dead funk legend! I say, let the college students keep the signs in their dorm rooms to lift their spirits and inspire them. "Vote Rick James." Can you dig the spiritual uplift? Super freak, you speak to us from the grave! "I'm Rick James, bitch!"

Once such fan even blogged her experience this weekend after snatching a sign off a lawn: "We decided it would be best to spread the word of the infamous Rick James. While driving through the parking lot of the Turtle Creek Mall Noah cranked up the music and Zack hung our supportive Rick James sign out of the window. It truly was magical. The next day we realized our beloved Rick wasn't being supported like he should. We plan to change this. We're spreading the word. What can you do? Simple, on...um...whatever day elections are, Vote Rick James. BITCH!"

If you're a crazy Mississippi kid and live within 100 miles of Hattiesburg, then make haste and get one, before all the yard signs are stolen.

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Wooden Stake Through The Head. Lestat Salutes You

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 7:56 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Chicks dig the bad boys. . . I don't know why, but this guy with a stake driven through his head appeals to me. He's definitely got the bad-ass bragging rights from now on. It's not funny, sure, but a wooden stake through the neck is fascinating in a vampire sort of way. He's a dude who can not be killed by mortal means . . .

Story and photos at the bbc.co.uk

The Simpsons Snow Sculpture - Awesome talent there, dude.

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:18 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

From the website strangecosmos.com

Diabolical Tattoo Artist Inks Felons with Fairies

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 8:02 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

"I wanted a stack of skulls on my back," said murderer Jimmy Drake, "and that Asian prick gave me a giant Winnie the Pooh!"

These headlines practically writes themselves.

Tattoo artist Andy Sakai is a man on a suicide mission at the big house. When he was sentenced to five years in prison for inking profanities on customers, many thought his days of fun with a pen were behind him. Bwaaahahahahah! Instead, Sakai went to the joint for five years of living dangerously and took to inking dozens of murderers with fairies and unicorns permanently etched on their butts and backs. Read more.

Salary of $138,244 Not Enough: Schoolmarm Sells Drugs To Make Ends Meet

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Tony Soprano would be proud . . . It seems a "top" school administrator -- who makes $138,244 per year -- has been arrested in Virginia on money laundering charges related to a multi-million dollar drug ring.

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Bad Aussie Accent Nails Phony Bruce Willis

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:17 AM | Permalink

A Serbian con man has been passing himself off as American actor Bruce Willis but was caught because he apparently didn't know the difference between an American accent from an Aussie one.

AND (this is my favorite part!) the reason he thought Bruce Willis was from Down Under, was because EVERYONE in Hollywood is from the Big Red Oz: "I thought he was Australian since all the rest of Hollywood seem to be from there," he told police. (Wait. Isn't that an insult to Australians?)

Oh, and bollocks, mate, he used a forged Australian passport too! Read the story

Drunk Guy Blows An Amazing .914

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:11 PM | Permalink

Call the folks at Guiness - the record people, not the beer guys - cuz this has got to be a new world record for drunkenness.

It's a report out of Sofia, Bulgaria that "incredulous" doctors had to make five blood tests on a drunken man to confirm he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.914. That's blowing POINT-NINE-ONE-FOUR, you Long Island iced tea drinkers. A blood-alcohol level of 0.50 is well into the range of "life threatening."

, The 67-year old man, whose name was not released (hey, why not?), was hospitalized on December 20, when a car knocked him down (hey, why not?) on a street in the southern Bulgarian city of Plovdiv.

A breath test showed the incredibly high blood alcohol level, but police officers thought the result was inaccurate because the man was CONSCIOUS AND TALKING TO THEM. (Coherently?)

Laboratory analysis of five subsequent blood samples taken the same day confirmed that the man had had a blood-alcohol level of 0.914. The man was reported in stable condition after treatment for head injuries.

To my old friends at TAU KAPPA EPSILON and I FELTA THI, it's time to surrender.

Just to make my point, these are the levels of drunk behavior by numbers:

Point .003 Hey! Hold my beer and watch this . . .

Point .005 Relaxed and Euphoric. Suddenly think Jack Daniels and Pineapple Pizza is a good idea.

Point .008 Legal limit. Ugly people are all now bodacious babes

Point .10 Staggering and have trouble being understood as you insult bodacious babe

Point .14 Shit-faced, waking up in a fetal position, with a pierced-nipple, but you can't remember. . .

Point .20 Black-outs and Vomiting occur simultaneously (See: Jimi Hendrix)

Point .30 Physically Numb. Passed out. No wait -- You're Courtney Love.

Point .35 This is actually the surgical level of anesthesia (True)

Point .40 Coma. You are s-l-o-w-i-n-g d-o-w-n. It's a miracle you're not dead.

Point .50 You're dead, like, "Weekend-at-Bernie's" Dead.

Point .60 You must be Irish. Have another pint!

Point .70 A pickled specimen for forensic scientists

Point .80 Nope. No Description. Never been recorded.

Point .90 Some guy walking around Bulgaria with a headache

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