Farris Hassan's Most Excellent Adventure

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 5:52 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

High School Junior Farris Hassan, 16, returned home safely to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, from his most excellent adventure to see Iraq up close and personal.

The 16-year-old told reporters and his family that he skipped out of school in December in order to get a "first-hand" report on the elections in Iraq for an article for his journalism class. "I thought I'd go the extra mile for that, or rather, a few thousand miles," he said in an interview.

The newest American celebrity arrived at Miami International Airport last night to a mass of journalists and photographers. His 23-year-old brother, Hayder Hassan, told reporters, "I'm furious with him. He knows the ass whuppin' he's going to get."

Farris Hassan's Day Off all began when he got the idea to try some news reporting as suggested by his journalism teacher. So, on December 11th, Farris took off and bought a $900 plane ticket to Kuwait by way of Lebanon. I don't think that's what the teacher had in mind.

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Tom Cruise Rules Slangmeisters with "Jump the Couch"

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 5:09 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Tom Cruise and his crazy antics on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" has spawned the term, "jump the couch," which has been named 2005's Top Slang Term of the Year.

According to the lexicographers at Oxford University Press, shortly after the Cruiser wildly professed his love for his pregnant fiancee Katie Holmes by popping up on Oprah's furniture, the term "jump the couch" popped up in mainstream newspapers and all over the Internet.

And now, "jump the couch" has been named the "Slang of the Year" by the Grammar Nazis (editors) of the Historical Dictionary of American Slang, which describes the term as as "exhibiting strange or frenetic behavior."

Runners-up for Slang of the Year include "Floodweiser", which describes the canned water that beer maker Anheuser-Busch donated to hurricane victims (that's right: CANNED water), and "Spokesweasel" which is the public relations spokesperson for a celebrity or company.

Nip/Tuck Character Gives Ideas to "Carver" Wannabe

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 7:09 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 2 )

A fanatical deranged fan of "Nip/Tuck" was arraigned in New York recently on charges that he attacked a woman using the guise of "The Carver", the stalking sexual predator from the popular FX show.

If you're a fan of the show, you now know that it was revealed in last week's finale that Dr. Quentin Costas was "The Carver" who stalked beautiful people who had plastic surgery, drugged and raped them, then "undid" the surgery by disfiguring them with a knife. In fact, a majority of fans guessed correctly that it was Quentin (played deliciously by Bruno Campos), but the real shocker was that he had an accomplice who turned out to be the kinky detective Kit MacGraw (Rhona Mitra) - who also turned out to be his very kinky and wierd sister. Nice plot twist there.

But the show was meant to be entertainment. The real life creep tortured and terrorized a woman for 13 hours on Halloween night - a woman he had worked with. the Gotham copycat, Peter Braunstein, a former reporter for Women's Wear Daily, is to be indicted for arson, kidnapping, burglary, robbery and sexual abuse.

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Elvis is King of Top-Earning Dead Celebrities

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:40 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

You're positive you saw him drinking a Pepsi outside the EZ Mart in Little Rock. Or was it him standing next to you at the urinal in the men's room at Fuddrucker's in Coconut Grove? He's everywhere, man, and still raking in a hunka hunka more money in a single month from beyond the grave than you'll ever seen in your lifetime.

Just in time for Halloween, Forbes.com has released its annual list of the top-earning dead celebrities. For the fifth year in a row, the most grateful dead celebrity hauling in piles of cold cash is Elvis Presley.

The King's estate earned a reported $45 million this year, while "Peanuts" cartoonist Charles M. Schulz was next on the list at $35 million. Recently deceased Ray Charles, Johnny Cash, and Marlon Brando are all new for the top wage earning dead. All together, these Top 13 brought in a collective $186 million from residuals from their recordings, writings, and rights usage. And they can't spend any of it.

The Top 13 DEAD Earners:

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Handbags at dawn between Jimmy Pursey and John Lydon

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:50 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 2 )

"He's not fit to be in the same sentence as me." - John Lyndon.

SLAM! Punks dissin' at dawn in front of the U.S. Embassy in London!

Here's the full report from the BBC:

Punk legends John Lydon and Jimmy Pursey came to blows outside the U.S. Embassy as they queued for visas. There has been bad blood between the pair since the Seventies - and things came to a head this week as they waited outside the Embassy at 7:30.

Former Sex Pistol Lydon ignored Pursey's offer to shake hands and threw coffee over him, while the Sham 69 singer responded by kicking his punk rival. Bizarrely, The Proclaimers were also there and witnessed the whole thing before armed policeman intervened to calm the situation.
, Pursey was waiting for a visa so he could travel to New York for a benefit gig in aid of the CBGBs club. He told 6 Music the scrap was like being back at school. "It would be like standing in the dinner queue with someone that you don't really get on with when you're at school. Suddenly, it just turned into him and his mate throwing coffee at me, then it just went from bad to worse with the armed guards luckily interpersing the whole thing. One of them, thank God, know knew who we both were."

He continued: "It's not every day you get a guy with a submachine gun round your head telling you he's a Sham 69 fan."

Lydon meanwhile dismissed Pursey's claims. "All the usual low-rent and lies. He's not fit to be in the same sentence as me. What do you expect from a low-rent fake mockney two-bob runt?"

Read that diss again: A LOW-RENT FAKE MOCKNEY TWO-BOB RUNT. I have no idea what that means.

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Best Commercial for Guiness Drinkers

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:51 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

To my fellow Guiness lovers. Follow our roots back in time to the age of slime.

Tom Cruise: Operating Thetan Level 7

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Check out Liquid Generation and their take on Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology.

Be sure to click the "donate" button and keep answering "no" so you can read the death threats! Good times!

Can You Believe These People Are Really Musicians?

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 8:14 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Not all musicians are cool. Check out some of the fugliest album covers ever created!

The Kaballah Kraze: Bracelets, Bottled Water and Madonna

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 7:59 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Kaballah leaders have claimed their Kabbalah Water can do everything from cleansing the poisoned lakes of Chernobyl to curing cancer.

And another product, their $26 Red String bracelet, is supposed to deflect "envious stares and looks of ill will." Neither one, however, will turn a faux English accent into a real one. (Sorry Madonna)

In a well-done 4-part series on Kaballah over at radaronline.com called "The Kaballah Chronicles," they turn the spotlight on the cult's focus on celebrity, philanthropy, and merchandising, and how it all brings in millions of dollars every year for its leaders who live in mansions and fly in private Lear Jets.

It's a ton of moolah and not just limited to red string bracelets and holy water.

Triumph the Insult Dog Does Hawaii. Weather.

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:06 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Surfing the net with nothing better to do? Check out Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as he gives the weather forecast for Hawaii. I wish this freaking puppet did our local forecasts ... he does a better job than real weatherpeople. View it at national lampoon.