Desperate Psychos on Housewives

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:35 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Recapping the latest episode: Zach's evil dad, Paul, is warning nosy Susan to stop snooping around digging for stuff on Zach's mother's death. To make sure she gets the point, creepy Zach torches Susan's kitchen in a fiery explosion. A concerned Mike manages to corner her to tell her to be careful. Oh, really??

What's pushing Zach over the edge? Could it be that Susan's daughter, Julie, said she didn't want to see him anymore. Even his dad came up with this parental observation: "You're not that special, Zach." Way to cheer up your kid, pop. Apparently, one kiss months ago from Julie was enough to send this psycho-in-training into thinking she has a thing for him. He keeps a bunch of photos of her on his bedroom wall as a sort of shrine to her. Pretty soon, this kid is gonna go Jeffrey Dahmer on the whole block.

, Meanwhile, the crazy-as-a-fruit-loop pharmacist, George, who has an obsession for wierdo Bree, keeps showing up trying to date her, much to the annoyance of her husband, Rex. Lynnette is suspicious that her husband Tom has rekindled a romance with an old flame, who has been working at his office for three months. And he didn't tell Lynnette about it. He's such a slut!

Gabrielle is freaked to learn she is pregnant and fears hunky gardener boy toy John is the father. She discovers her husband, Carlos, has been messing with her birth control pills. He threw a going away party for himself and will soon leave for his 8-month stay with the Feds, or 6 months if he gets time off for good behavior. Great lines when the priest asked Gabby: "Oh Lord, what have you done this time?" and when the morning sickness catches Gabbie at the car dealership and she throws up in the car parked on the showroom floor. She still wants it and says, "But not that one. I vomited in it."

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"Desperate Housewives" : More Fun on Wisteria Lane

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 9:29 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Let's recap last night's (April 17) episode that included a dead body in a toy box, picking up men in bars, police brutality, and more creepiness in the continuing saga of sex, lies and murder on "Desperate Housewives."

Neighbor Mrs. McCluskey (same actress who plays God in "Joan of Arcadia") gives an expensive Tiffany lamp to an unappreciative Lanette as thanks for not letting her die on the lawn. Mike gets his ass kicked by a homicide detective. At camp Henessey, Bree learns her son Andrew may (or may not) have gay feelings. But he's not sure even if he did mack on a guy in a pool. Either way, she freaks at the thought of leaving him at a camp with 200 other boys so she takes him home. And, being a loving and caring mom, she comforts him in true Bree style: "I'd love you -- even if you were a murderer."

, She continues with her killer zings over dinner in the discussion of her diabolically maybe-gay son Andrew who lied to her and said he was NOT gay in order to get out of being at camp. Then, in front of the dinner guest, a pastor, her husband Rex defends Andrew by saying "Can't you at least wait until dessert before calling our son a sodomite?" Bree then turns to Andrew and reveals: "Your father is into S & M. He lets me beat him with a riding crop." She also tells her son he shouldn't be gay, otherwise, he is like, so NOT going to heaven.

Later Andrew hints in a private conver with the pastor that he is gonna do something bad to get back at his mom. Nothing Columbine, but then again we don't know what the little twit is capable of. (Just an evil grin so far.)

After Carlos takes away her credit cards, Gabrielle runs up charges on her teenage lover's student credit card. Then she calls her boy toy in a panic when the card is declined and he tells her his mom just cancelled it. In a bind at the restaurant, Gabrielle shmoozes on a stranger to pay for her meal, then glares triumphly at the waiter who was probably hoping to call the cops on her non-paying ass.

Susan's mom has moved in and made Susan's life hell. First she flirts with the ice cream man and then invites a couple of losers over to the house to double date. Actually, I'm finding Leslie Ann Warren's over-the-top acting to be jagged and tiresome, and not in flow with the rest of the show. I'd preferred Susan (Teri Hatcher, above) to just have crying jags over Mike as she tries to deal.

Oh, yes, Mike. After getting called "scum" and getting roughed up by the cop who hands him a secret file, he discovers that the body of his missing wife, Deirdre, was found dismembered inside a toy chest. Her father (who he spoke with at the cemetery) has been looking for her for 15 yrs only to find out that she had been dead all that time. Then comes another plot twist at the end of the show when Mike reads in the file that the name of Mary Alice's husband (Paul Young) is on the list of people who had purchased that type of toy chest years ago. So, natch,

Mike now suspects Paul of killing her...

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The Vanity of Desperate Housewifes

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 6:55 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

All the dust up over at the "Desperate Housewives" set may be the result off a little salary envy and all the media attention recently lavished on lead star Teri Hatcher who plays Susan on the show.

Hatcher, who told Star magazine "I really don't even know how much money I make," reportedly just got a raise from $38,000 per episode to more that $285,000 per episode. (Crips, that's no where near the $1 million per episode that the Friends cast got!)

That salary spike may be one reason for reports recently that one cast member had a blowup over the cover shot for Vanity Fair magazine. Marcia Cross (Bree) reportedly stormed away and refused to pose next to Hatcher when Cross saw Hatcher positioned in the middle of the shot wearing an eye-catching red bathing suit. Hatcher defended herself by telling Access Hollywood that she was told where to stand and what to wear.

, Apparently, publicity folks at ABC tell photographers that when the women are to be posed for photographs, that Hatcher is NOT to be in the center of the shot. Well, those instructions are absolutely fine with Vanity Fair, since the LEFT of a wide angle group shop insures that Teri, the most popular Housewife, would be prominent on the cover (wink, wink). And if you're an avid Vanity Fair reader, as I am, you know darn well that the cover of Vanity Fair is one of the most prestigious honors for any celebrity to land.

That meant that Hatcher snagged a coveted spot on the front cover, along with stars #2 and #3 Eva Longoria (Gabrielle) and Nicollette Sheridan (Edie), while lesser known co-stars Cross and Felicity Huffman (Lynette) don't appear until the cover's foldout is flipped over.

According to writer Ned Zeman, who was present when the bust-up occurred, Cross had a melt down when Hatcher was moved into the center of the group shot, despite publicists' demands that photographers treat cast members as equals.

Zeman says, "There had been some tension on the set over who's getting the awards and who's getting most of the magazine covers - that would be Teri Hatcher."

And when Hatcher seemed to get special treatment at the shoot, Cross went balistic. Zeman said, "She screamed at her publicist and said, in essence, 'I want you to get over here and do your bleeping job...' Then she launched into this profanity-laced tirade. Teri was most visibly upset and got very emotional and was tearing up and was on her cell phone seeking comfort from someone."

Hatcher later told Access Hollywood that any problems will be worked out. "What I know is that all of the girls are supportive of each other and think that everyone is tremendously talented in their roles and respect that there is a chemistry of characters and of actresses that make this thing work and I think that no one wants to damage that and that will be our job to come forward from this and figure out how to repair damage," Hatcher said.

Meanwhile, Eva Longoria offered the most realistic (and probably truthful) claim that the fight was sparked by excessive fuss by assistants: "They forget we just shot a 16-hour day the day before and when someone's tweaking every little hair, it's like, 'Stop touching us, just shoot the picture!'" Amen, sister.

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Eva Longoria : They Don't Fuss over Me

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:33 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 2 )

Gorgeous Goddess Eva Longoria wants us all to know it's tough being perfect. No, she doesn't spend long hours fussing with her hair and makeup, but she revealed that she's been passed over by makeup artists who spend longer hours making others passable.

The pixie pouts about how little attention she gets from photographers and stylists - because she's just too beautiful. In her interview in the April issue of Marie Claire magazine, the "Desperate Housewives" star reveals her experiences at promotional photo shoots.

"I always have this problem at photo shoots, when all of us are together. I'll get the least attention. They say, 'She'll look good in anything.' Or, 'Oh, she doesn't need the best lighting, because she'll look good in any light.'"

I hope that's not a little "Desperate" diss on her bitches. She can't possibly be implying that her co-stars Teri Hatcher and Felicity Huffman need extra gluing, because they obviously don't. And it's not like they shoot these attractive D'Wives through a long lens.
, So, shut up, Eva. We SAW you on "Fox's Stars Without Makeup." You looked awesome without a fix-up. Teri Hatcher, too. Felicity looked a little puffy around the eyes, but blondes do need a lot of help when they aren't wearin' mascara. Dark haired women and their dark lashes have it easier. . .

At least she has to put in long hours in the gym to look good: "I find it's harder to stay in shape, especially with my character being the sexy one and all that," she said. "I just want to try and establish habits now that will carry me through my 30s."

Which happens to come next week! Happy Birthday, Eva, on hitting the big 3-0 on Tuesday, March 15th.

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Teri Hatcher Earns the Paycheck of a Superstar

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:17 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

What keeps us watching addictive TV like "Desperate Housewives" is stars like Teri Hatcher.

The response from fans to the show must be huge, because ABC just gave Teri a raise for the second season - a very cool $285,000 per episode.

This is a 10-fold increase on her salary for the first season, and co-stars Eva Longoria, Marcia Cross, Felicity Huffman and Nicolette Sheridan have also been rewarded for the program's success.

Hatcher was paid $38,000 per episode for the first season, while her lesser female co-stars earned only $1,800 per episode.

Teri's shy charm and nervousness is compelling and real. A show insider says of Teri, "She has undoubtedly turned out to be the star of the show. Men find her sexy and women want to be like her."

, I'm looking forward to the new stuff coming up with Teri's character, Susan. Bob Newhart will guest star in an upcoming episode of "Desperate Housewives" entitled "Children Will Listen," and recently film his role on Wisteria Lane. Newhart appears as Morty, the estranged boyfriend of Susan's mom, Sophie (Lesley Ann Warren). Susan hopes to get Morty and her mom back together to prevent Sophie from moving in with her. The episode airs in April.

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Desperate Housewives : Gay Outing Episode

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:37 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Susan (Teri Hatcher, below) has the shock of her life when she finds out at the police station that her boyfriend, the main suspect in the murder of Mrs. Kravitz, has done time for manslaughter and drug trafficking. She's heartbroken to realize he's really a lying piece of shit.

Creepy mom KimberBree learns from her daughter Danielle that she wants to hook up with Miguel just so he'll love her. (Yeah, like that always works.) So KimberBree goes over to see Miguel and tells him to be really mean to her daughter so that her heart will be broken and she won't be holding on to her dreams of giving her virginity to him. (Nice parenting skills there.) Welp, Danielle is next seen crying and staggering from desperately depressed Zach's un-hip pool party so Miguel must have told her he doesn't want her.

Miguel's roommate tries to blackmail Gabrielle into sleeping with him. She's not going for THIS young buck (She has her standards!) but then he gets all gooey and apologies for wanting to bang her, it was only because he's confused and wondering if he's gay or not. Gabrielle then does the mature adult thing and comes on to him. Nothing. He's like so relieved that she doesn't turn him on. Oh happy day!
, While mom Susan is at the police station, Julie bags her homework and goes to the pool party and sits with Zach while he's tries to channel some kind of pre-Klebold and Harris killer karma and threatens to shoot Andrew. Okay, now Danielle is freaked and believes he's really depressed and crazy.

Matt is thrilled when a co-worker goes down at a softball game and he gets his promotion instead. It means the new gig would take him far, far, far away from home - a lot, but Lynette sabotages it with a psyche job on the boss's wife. Matt is heartbroken over losing the promotion.

Susan finds Julie so not home after she gets back all teary-eyed from being enlightened by the cops that her boyfriend really might be a sicko serial killer. She runs over to Zach's pool party to hunt down Julie, only everyone is gone 'cept for the two gay dudes getting it on. Righty-o, that would be Miquel's horny roommate and Andrew Van de Kamp! Susan discovers the two of them nekked in the Youngs' pool and Andrew yells at her "Hey! I'm not gay!" Yep, she can see that right off.

Episode summary: Three broken hearts, one gay make-out scene, one saved virginity, one heart attack at third base, one murderer living next door, and a teenage killer wannabe across the street.

Looking forward to next week . . .

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Nicollette Sheridan Banned for Life from Sushi Bar

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:28 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Damn You Sushi Nazi! You spoke the words everyone dreads to hear: "You banned for life! Nooooo Sushi for YOU!" According to the National Enquirer (a very reliable rag), those very words were directed at Nicollette Sheridan , who was bounced from L.A.'s Sushi Nozawa for sending back her fish to the kitchen. A no-no.

The restaurant's chef, Nozawa, known to many as the "Sushi Nazi" won't allow food to be sent back -- Never. Nada. Nyet. Nope. Nunka. Apparently, all the regulars who eat there understand this little rule. Enter a Desperate Housewife . . .

One witness told the Enquirer (a very reliable rag), "Nicollette had a meltdown--she was absolutely seething." and then Nozawa said, "She kept yelling how angry she was. I told her, 'No, I am angry with you! You need to get out now and never come back!"

And then Sheridan was most un-stoked. She said angrily, "You can't treat people like that" and (this is probably what did it) called him a "weird old man."

That did it. The Sushi Nazi then screamed, "You're nasty, nasty lady star! That's it! You are banned for life! No sushi for you!"

Sheridan's people tell a different story. THEY're saying that Sheridan and fellow domestic diva Marcia Cross were told to leave because Cross wasn't eating. The reps say Sheridan offered to pay double so her friend could keep her seat at the sushi bar. Alas, Sheridan's people admit that at least part of the story is true - the famous Housewives were indeed, bounced from the bar.

Eva Longoria Likes the Spurs

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:04 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 2 )

Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria apparently has a new man -- basketball star Tony Parker. Eva had been dating 'N Sync man JC Chasez for awhile, but gossips claim she is also involved with the San Antonio Spurs dunker.

Eva, 29, was first spotted with the 22-year-old player in the Spurs locker room at the end of November. Just a few weeks later, the gossip was that Parker had left his longtime French girlfriend for Eva.

A rep for Longoria told Star Magazine that the actress is currently is "happily dating." Meanwhile, she is also in the process of "happily divorcing" her husband, actor Tyler Christopher.

Nicollette Sheridan: Got Flowers, but wanted a Porsche

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Amazing ratings don't mean an Amazing Paycheck when you work for ABC TV. Can the residents of picture-perfect Wisteria Lane get a break? Now that their show Desperate Housewives is a smash hit, the ladies are threatening to revolt if their salaries are not increased -- and pronto.

The "housewives" - Marcia Cross, Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman, Nicolette Sheridan and Eva Longoria are demanding bigger paychecks to cash in on the worldwide success of the ABC sitcom.

Now seen in more than 40 countries, the American comedy is has been consistently in the top ten in the US television ratings, regularly attracting more than 30 million viewers.

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Teri Hatcher Coulda Been A Bigger Has Been . . .

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:25 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 0 )

Teri Hatcher had a great acceptance speech at the Golden Globes last night. Hatcher thanked ABC, the network that her show Desperate Housewives appears on, for "giving me a second chance at a career when I couldn't have been a bigger has-been."

Hatcher also told the audience that the award was the first time she'd ever been "nominated for anything [in] my whole life."

Some other highlights: William Shatner was tapped for Best Supporting Actor for Boston Legal. In his acceptance speech, Shatner, who plays a character named Denny Crane who enjoys the sound of his own name, approached the microphone and said, "William Shatner." The audience roared.

Sour-puss of the night: Lisa Marie Presley. What's with the constant angry chick look? It just doesn't work, LM.

Asked for the most autographs backstage by other celebrities: Mick Jagger.