AR 8 Second Leg: Never Sound Retreat
Faster than you can say "Stonewall Jackson must be spinning in his grave," we've arrived at leg two of the around the
world East Coast race in The Amazing Race: Family Edition.
When last we left the bickering families, they were at the pit stop in Lancaster, Penn. Eager to get started, the families raced off to locate "The Big Shoe" House and get their next clue. Lots of shots of car doors opening and closing. Lots of confusion. Rolling of the eyes. Shouts of "Noooowon evah listens tooo meeeee!" Then we are treated to 9 IDENTICAL shots of the same "83 South" sign as the teams drive 110 miles to Washington D.C. via Baltimore. "Washington D.C.?" one family member asked. "What state is that in?"
The amazing part of this amazing race is that 4 adults in a car can't read directions. If it says "The Reflecting Pool in front of the Capital building," several of the team immediately thought "Ooooooooh! They must mean the OTHER reflecting pool in front of the
phallus Washington monument!" Dumbasses.
, So off they race, the shouting Paolos trying to find a gas station (they're hard to find you know), the bratty twinkie kids (I'm seriously having evil wishes for that know-it-all kid), the w'dow Weaver and her constantly depressing widow banter, the Pinks ("Squeal!" "Shriek!" "OMG!" "Yeeeaaah!) who can make a car ride down the interstate sound like the front seat on the Kingda Ka Coaster in Jersey, and the Linz bruisers - who haven't shown much. Yet.
In this, The Cheesiest Race, the first espionage roadblock involved a "find-a-spy" task and exchange briefcases with the spook. And I must add here that Team My Three Daughters, or the Hooters family, is gonna have troubles with daddy before much longer. The race is barely begun and the pop is pooped. If they lose, it will be because of him. The Travelocity gnome from AR 6 had more pep than this guy.
After that easy task, the teams made their ways to Middleburg, Virginia, to the site of a civil war reinactment and their next clue, which was a Detour. In the detour, teams chose between "Heat of Battle" or "Heat of the Night." Wounded by cliches, most teams chose the physical task of carrying 5 soldiers on stretchers from the battlefield to a field hospital in order to get their next clue. The teams with smaller kids and overweight parents chose the easier task of filling 20 lanterns and lighting them.
I haven't seen so many "wounded" rebel soldiers lying on the ground since Scarlett O'Hara lifted her skirts and tip-toed over then in "Gone with the Wind." And did you see the families literally dump those wounded reinactors on the ground? Just - plop! and "Let's get another one!" Flip the stretcher and crashing down they went. Amazing that none of the play-acting injured actually got injured from that.
Well, the Weavers barely beat the Linz bruisers for first place and won a family trip to Bermuda. The Pinks (the Godlewski sisters) came in third. ("Squeal!" "Shriek!" "Ohmagosh!" "Yeeeaaah!)
And a final note: not only was the episode boring, but the cutest guy, Brock Rogers, 19, was eliminated along with his creepy domineering dad who sent the family in the wrong direction causing them to fall to last place. Too bad Brock wasn't on a regular 2-person AR race with his sister Brittney, 22 -- now THEY would have made a great team.
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