IRS Outwits, Outplays Dumbest "Survivor" Winner Ever

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Richard Hatch, the over-weight, un-popular contestant dubbed "the fat naked guy", said that the whole thing is totally not his fault, you know, because he was under the belief that CBS would pay the taxes on the $1 million prize he won on the "Survivor" reality show.

But oops, he didn't have a valid excuse for also evading taxes on $327,000 he earned as co-host of a Boston radio show and $28,000 in rent on property he owned. The winner of the first "Survivor" series is headed - not to a beautiful island - but the Big House.

As a defense strategy, his lawyer Michael Minns argued that his client had caught other contestants cheating and that the show's producers at CBS agreed to pay his taxes in exchange for his "silence". (Why wasn't he brought up on charges of blackmail?) Hatch says he saw people trying to sneak food to the contestants on "Survivor".

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Jennifer Lopez Wedding Tape Extortion Plot Goes Bust

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Undercover New York cops arrested two men who were trying to extort money from singer Jennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony in exchange for their stolen wedding video. They had even dropped the asking price from $1 million to a discounted $150,000.

The New York Post is reporting that the two men were arrested on Tuesday after weeks of negotiations. They had stolen Marc's 2005 Cadillac which contained his laptop computer on October 30th in New Jersey. The car was found on November 11 but the laptop remained missing...until Access Hollywood received a call from a man calling himself "Mr. Moses" and offering to sell the private video of the diva's June 2004 marriage ceremony.

Producers of the TV show -- as well as print publications and other entertainment shows -- turned down the wedding video (it's not a sex video), so the hapless crooks next contacted Marc's production company with a ransom demand for it. That's when the cops were called in.

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Imagine...Plastic Ono to License a Plastic Lennon

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

All you need is love and a talking Lennon doll. There's news that Yoko Ono has licensed a John Lennon action figure which will be named "The New York Years" Lennon and that it will utter authentic phrases used by the former Beatle.

The National Entertainment Collectibles Association says this is the "first licensed Lennon done ever" -- which I guess means those bobble head collectibles from the sixties weren't licensed? This doll is of the modern Lennon, with profits going to Yoko and I would assume her designated charities.

Earlier this month, fans of the legendary musician gathered around the world to remember him on the 25th anniversary of his death. Lennon was shot and killed in 1980, at age 40, outside his New York apartment by a deranged fan.

The doll will be available in stores in the spring. The company's website necaonline.com has a picture and description of the 18-inch doll.

Kevin Federline's "Ya'all ain't Ready"

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (45)

No we aren't and neither are you. Kevin Federline's rap song is now infecting the internet like a virus. Yes, we have to agree with Britney: your music is so laughable it sucks.

Here's the K-Fed rap lyrics(as transcribed by commenter Tara):

I should be saying keep my damn name outcha mouth
but y'all people keep increasing my change amount
So, go ahead and say whatcha wanna,
I'm gonna sell bout two mill, fool, then I'm a-gonna
I know you wish you was in my position
cuz I keep getting into situations that you wish you wuz in, cousin
I'm not your brother, not your uncle, I'm daddy, dude
Steppin' in this game and y'all ain't got a clue
My prediction is that y'all gonna hate on the style we create, straight 2008
But I know that you really can't wait '
cause people are always askin' me when's the release date?
Well maybe baby you can wait and see
Until then, all these Pavarottis following me
Gettin' anxious, go take a peek, I'm starring in your magazine now every day of the week
Back, then, they call me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead...

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The Martha Dumptruck/Andy Milonakis Conspiracy

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

is this a photo of martha dumptruck? or andy milonakis??

"today i propose we play a little game, where we decide if the picture in question is of martha dumptruck, from possibly the best movie from the 1980's, 'heathers,' or andy milonakis, the funny, baby-faced 29-year-old star of the self-titled 'andy milonakis show.'"

think you can tell these two apart? take the test yourself at you can't make this up blog priceless.

Leonardo DiCaprio Hit With a Beer Bottle at Party

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Leonardo DiCaprio was assaulted and injured over the weekend at a party in Hollywood. You probably haven't heard much about the incident, because Tom Cruise and his publicity machine are making such a fuss over his being squirted with water in London.

A statement released to People Magazine described Leo's attack: "While leaving a small private gathering, Leo was attacked by a woman who was trespassing and had been repeatedly asked to leave the property. The attacker struck him with a glass object before being restrained by witnesses. The woman was reportedly looking for an ex-boyfriend, who she had apparently physically assaulted on prior occasions."

DiCaprio was at the party hosted by Rick Salomon who is Paris Hilton's ex-beau (and the one who starred with her in the home movie sex video). Around 4 a.m., a woman who had been asked to leave the party, hit DiCaprio on the side of the face with a beer bottle. He was taken to a hospital by his friends.

The actor was in Los Angeles on a shooting break from director Martin Scorsese's "The Departed." The injury which required 12 stitches near his ear (That's freaking huge!) is not expected to delay his return to the set. NO ARREST WAS MADE in Los Angeles but cops are said to be investigating.

Meanwhile, FOUR MEN WERE ARRESTED for squirting Cruise with a wee bit of water in London during the premiere of "War of the Worlds" and man! did the wee actor get REAAALLLLLLY upset about it! I nearly spit my morning coffee when I heard the audio clip of his reaction ... Crips Cruise had a MELT down while Leo calmly hopped in a car with a gushing wound and went to an ER to get his gorgeous face sewn up. Who's a prissy and who's a man I ask??

Low Ratings May Sink "Chaotic" Show for Britney

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 8:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's official: You all thought Britney Spears' show "Chaotic" sucked. Overnight ratings put the show at dead last as it lost more than half the viewers it managed to pull in for last week's debut. This is indeed a proud moment for Americans rejecting junk TV...

Reports says that limelight-loving Britney was distressed over last week's horrible ratings, so this week returns will come as further confirmation that her home movies aren't for primetime viewing. There's a rumor that UPN may cancel it before all six skanky episodes are shown. Brit and Kev are simply clueless that people did not want to watch them eating junk food and ask who's gonna clean up after the dog.

Paris Hilton's home videos looked like Oscar-quality productions compared to "Chaotic." And the self-portrait camera shot-up-the-nostrils weren't funny. It was a funny shot in "The Blair Witch Project" -- especially with the snot drool when the hysterical chick was freaking -- but Britney's nose and humongus pores aren't funny, just gross.

Phil Spector Plays Sideshow Bob at His Own Trial

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What a wild and crazy guy. If music legend Phil Spector wants to plead "Insanity" at his murder trial, with his hair making such a bold statement in the affirmative, I'm all for it.

He's on trial in L.A. after having shot and killed a B-movie actress in his own home. The music producer has a long history of threatening women with guns, and Monday it was decided by the judge in the case that he will allow evidence of four prior incidents that occurred over 10 years ago. For reasons not disclosed, the judge refused to allow six OTHER alleged incidents to be introduced at the murder trial.

Each of the four incidents allowed by the judge involved women who claimed to have dated Spector and accused him of pointing a gun at them. So that's at least 10 women Spector threatened with a gun; the 11th woman he pulled the trigger on. Insane. Yes, insane would be the best plea. Those clown buttons say it all...

May I Force This on You?

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

For those who can't live without a daily dose of sarcasm (like me) here's a link to a very funny website spazoutny.com on the continous loop of Star Wars madness.

The website is a spoof about expensive "Star Wars" toys -- manufactured by "Chinese children in a factory far, far away" -- and oh! Don't forget. There are also these cool films that George Lucas uses as great promotional devices to help sell those cheap plastic toys, which are collected, hoarded, and obsessed over by emotional stunted adult males. (I love the can of "Girl Repellent")

The May release of "Star Wars III: Revenge Of The Sith" will coincide with another major marketing Wal-Mart merchandising blitzkrieg, proof positive that sometimes the Force is aimed directly at you.

Madonna's Holy Water

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Madonna is bringing her (crass commercial) devotion to the religion of Kabbalah to the shelves at a grocery store near you, as she is considering becoming the new face of the "Kabbalah Energy Drink." Madonna has decided to test the drink on herself (sort of like a guinea pig, huh?) before deciding whether to agree to the deal.

According to a Kabbalah spokesman, the energy drink will eventually be sold worldwide: "We are going after the Red Bull market but Kabbalah Energy Drink tastes better. It is infused with Kabbalah water, which is holy water."

Oh yeah? and will Madonna's Kabbalah holy water mix well with vodka or a Yegerbomb?

No thanks, but Red Bull rules, it's the classic booster -- although it’s a mystery to me why I’m willing to pay $2 bucks for an 8.3 oz drink, but I do. Honorable mentions for taste and zap: Blue Ox, Bawls, Lost, XS Energy, Pimp Juice, Hanson’s ENERGY, Jones Whoop Ass, and of course, Gatorade.