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August 1, 2008

Top Cop: All Quiet on the Pap Front Now That Britney Is Wearing Clothes

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 5:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

britney and paris Police Chief William Bratton is boasting that his city of Los Angeles is a peaceful place to live in again. He says it's largely due to the fact that Britney Spears has "started wearing clothes" and Lindsay Lohan has "gone gay" and - God, be praised - even Paris Hilton is "out of town".

Thanks to this Perfect Storm of decency from the three most troubling Hollywood celebs, the paparazzi swarm has become sickly and its numbers dwindling from the lack of fresh trash to feed on.

Tom Cruise Sued for $250M For Being an Alien Mob Boss

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A former member of the Church of Scientology is ~~screaming Show Me The Money!~~ suing the religion and Operating Thetan VII actor Tom Cruise for $250 million in a federal lawsuit. The man claims the organization is a crime syndicate, organized and run like the Mafia.

Cruise ~~who reportedly built a $10 Million bunker to protect his family from the return of evil Lord Xenu and the Galactic Federation~~ is believed to the consigliere to church boss David Miscavage.