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Katie Holmes' Mission Impossible: No Screaming During Childbirth

Posted by Fara Kearnes on March 28, 2006 3:44 PM |

Tom Cruise & Katie HolmesWitnesses are reporting that 6-foot high billboards have been delivered to the home of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes - signs that will be posted to remind the expectant mother to shut the hell up during birthing, as Scientologists permit very little noise during the earthly arrival of a new-minted Thetan.

Scientologist elders have been eagerly hauling in the "birthing boards" to encourage QUIET (sshhh!) as they believe it benefits the mother and child.

"BE SILENT AND MAKE ALL PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS SLOW AND UNDERSTANDABLE," one board read.

Tom responded last year to critics of the bizarre birth technique by insisting that Katie can make a "little noise".

He said: "There have been misinterpretations that the woman can't make any noise, and that's just not true. It's nutty. No, but just calm and quiet. I want Katie to be as comfortable as possible."

The "Batman Begins" actress, 26, is ready to pop any day now and is awaiting the big day at the couple's Beverly Hills mansion. It's believed that she'll deliver the baby at home and not in a hospital.

If that's true, then you know paparazzi and videographers will want to be camped outside the mansion armed with long-range, super-sensitive, parabolic directional microphones to record any whimper, moan, or toe-curling screams.


Comments

katie you might not be pregnant with tom it might be because you did the sex scene in the movie. your stomach is fake i think. if its real send me a picture of some one droipping a 2 pound ball on your stomach. That will make your stomach hurt like crazy.you might loose the child it will hurt with a 2 pound ball tom could come and rubb your stomach for you when it hurts when your were pregnant did your stomach hurt some days like crazy.

Hi Cody, I'd like to introduce you to my friends Grammar and Capitalization. I don't think you've ever met.

I hope Katie and Tom the best for their new baby. Thanks for your support here.....Regards, EVE

L Ron Hubbard was a MORON. Obviously he was a man. Give birth quietly and with little movement! ( and without drugs) Bite me! Let's put your nuts in a vice, Tom, and see if you can be quiet and not move. SHHH! Dumbass!

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are both wacko's, to go from being Roman Catholics to embracing a cult, like Sciencetology, and all of its very weird restrictions, shows that neither of them is in the right frame of mind. Whatever happened to moral values with the Hollywood crowd, or are they above that because they are portrayed in the media as demi-gods. Marriage comes first, then children, not the cart before the horse. If I were her parents, I would be extremely disappointed in her moral values.

i think tom and katie will have a lovely baby know matter what the gender is male of female. i think that they are going to be great loving parents. plus this is katie's first child so she is going to be experiencing something different and she is going to be agreat mother to be. she looks great too , if you see any other pergant woman most look all pale and stupid. but it works for her it looks like she couldn't look any better and happier. i give them and her (especially) my biggest and i mean BIGGEST!!!! wishes.

Anyone who researches the creation of and theology proselytized by the exploitative and scary mega-corporation known as the Church of Scientology can see how its very strange beliefs and wacky tale of the human race being poisoned by an alien force long ago, etc., can figure out that it's not only quite kooky, but at the core fundamentally a big money-mongering business. The top celebrity members like Tom Cruise enjoy extraordinary perks and privileges paid for with the dollars of the all too many sucker-nobodies who each dole out thousands for the "auditing" sessions they're told they need, and many governments and mainstream religionists ridicule and warn of its deceits and profiteering. (Not to say the more established faiths aren't full of bologna, too, but Scientology is uniquely expensive and often psychologically damaging for its members, way so.) I'm all for freedom of religion, but this organization barely qualifies as a faith- period- and has had to fight very hard for its tax-exempt status because of its cash flow and blatantly business-oriented activities. Free Katie, I say, with many others, and some predict hopefully that she'll wake up to the nonsense and mind control eventually, under pressure from her family and old pals, who are incensed immediately by being locked out of her birthing plans. We'll have to see what goes down in the next few months, huh?

I have a serious connection to Katie probably because I just had my baby and we both announced our pregnancies at the same time. I can't keep my eyes and ears off of the most recent news. I get very emotional for them when I see them together. She is absolutely stunning with her beautiful belly. I see that they love each other more than life when I see photo's taken of them that they had no idea were being taken and they are always gazing into each others eyes and either laughing or smiling "Huge"! I think most people wish they had what Tom and Katie have together and I wish them and their beautiful new baby (babies??) a peaceful delivery and a beautiful life. I don't understand Scientology (as most of you do not) so I will be the last perso to judge them for their decision to be a part of it. I wouldn't want anyone to tell me i'm wrong for my own decisions about my own life so I don't throw stones. (Most of you could learn a thing or two from that). Katie has been blessed with a life that has handed her a reality that she only dreamed of before. How can she get all of that from making the "wrong decisions". Obviously she's doing something right. And imagine that...as she was dreaming of someday being Mrs. Tom Cruise, he as well was worshiping her from afar. these things don't happen more than maybe once in a lifetime and they took it and embraced it and I say "GOOD FOR YOU TOM AND KATIE)! Best of happiness in your blessed life together with your new baby. I wish him or her health and love!

I have a serious connection to Katie probably because I just had my baby and we both announced our pregnancies at the same time. I can't keep my eyes and ears off of the most recent news. I get very emotional for them when I see them together. She is absolutely stunning with her beautiful belly. I see that they love each other more than life when I see photo's taken of them that they had no idea were being taken and they are always gazing into each others eyes and either laughing or smiling "Huge"! I think most people wish they had what Tom and Katie have together and I wish them and their beautiful new baby (babies??) a peaceful delivery and a beautiful life. I don't understand Scientology (as most of you do not) so I will be the last perso to judge them for their decision to be a part of it. I wouldn't want anyone to tell me i'm wrong for my own decisions about my own life so I don't throw stones. (Most of you could learn a thing or two from that). Katie has been blessed with a life that has handed her a reality that she only dreamed of before. How can she get all of that from making the "wrong decisions". Obviously she's doing something right. And imagine that...as she was dreaming of someday being Mrs. Tom Cruise, he as well was worshiping her from afar. these things don't happen more than maybe once in a lifetime and they took it and embraced it and I say "GOOD FOR YOU TOM AND KATIE)! Best of happiness in your blessed life together with your new baby. I wish him or her health and love!

With Tom's strict outlook on how Katie should deliver, what's wrong with marriage !!!!!!!!
Seems that should come first
you know courtship-marriage and then Baby!!!!!
what will you tell the child when she ask's why
She may be so traumatized that she will be prescribed GUESS WHAT!!!!!! AN ANTI-DEPRESSENT
Tom better be thankful for such a younger girlfriend, someone his own AGE would tell him where to get off


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