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The Freaks and Talentless are Highlights of American Idol

Posted by Fara Kearnes on January 19, 2006 5:59 PM |

Crystal Parizanski picMillions of viewers watched the return of "American Idol" and experience the ... funniest ... contestant ... ever. Well, maybe not ever, but the 16-year-old stopped Simon Cowell in his tracks with her, uhm, supertan.

The orange-skinned, empty-headed Xtina wannabee Crystal Parizanski, who looks like she uses a black magic marker to apply her eyeliner, announced, "I think I'm kinda like Christina Aguilera because like I, I have attitude, like, 'I'm gonna do it', like, no one matter what, no one's gonna stop me."

Like, not to be distracted by her attempts to promote her singing, then Simon says, "itís the most strange look make-up tan Iíve ever seen in my life."

With kudos for the notes from justjared.com, this is how her audition kicked off --

Crystal :: HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randy :: HEY!!!!!!!!
Crystal :: You need me to explain anything? HEY, WHAT'S UP PEOPLE! [Waves hello with both

hands.]
Simon :: Yes, the tan.
Crystal :: Okay, um, my name is Crystal. Um, I just turned six-
Simon :: No, I wanna hear about your suntan.
Crystal :: Okay, I'm singing "And I'm Telling You" by Jennifer Holliday.
Simon :: No, no, no. I wanna hear about your suntan.
Crystal :: Oh, my sun tan? ...I go tanning?
Simon :: Nooooooooooo!

Randy agrees with Simon that Crystal is not ready for the big show, and Crystal's little baby doll voice mysteriously turns normal. And thusly, the new season of "American Idol" is underway. It's gonna rock!


Comments

Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....

crystal goes to my school.
she really is bad.
and girl above me.
YOU ARE NOT HER SISTER.
her sister is just as worse as she is.

Oh dear lord! She looks like a cracked out porn star from Florida, no offense to all my wonderful, natural tanned Sunshine state friends. What's up with the fake blonde look? Girl, if you're gonna go blonde, at least have the decency to let your stylist touch up the roots. If Christina Aguilera even couldn't pull it off, who said you could?

She sucks

Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....
Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....
Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....
Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....
Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it.... Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....
Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....
Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....
Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news the american idol is fake they told her to put on more make ups that's she looked sun tan she don't go tanning at all, and she isn't stupid they add thoes things to make her look bad and they changed the vite, sounds, when simon said that was the worst we have had in chicago it isn't true they didn't really say that and they weren't even there at that time its so fake, also no way never in the world my sister isn't gonna be no porn star she isn't a porn star she's a virgin and gonna wait until married first just like me, she isn't stupid at all like all thoes girls who have sex young r stupid. And she is gonna be a singer somedays so am I no matter what ur all so wrong about her u dk her at all she's a great sweet girl with a good heart, is a very good singer, dancer. She's very talent People who talk shit about others and spray rumors and glossip that aren't true and pick on others r people that don't fel good about them self. How rude of all of u to make fun of her u havw got no right and ur just jealous. I am honestly telling the truth I don't lie, american idol lies and fake everything so don't be stupid...
What if the same happened to all of u and the american idol workers changes it into all fake how would u feel, how would u feel if everyone was making fun of u sad, upset, scared, worried u dk what its like cause ur all stupid think its cool to pick on others and to make fun of em no it isn't cool get real grow up. If I hear one more shit about her from all of u devils,jerks, bitchies ur gonna be sue. And god is really angry at u I just know it u know nothing. I was in , out of hospital for my whole life and she was left out, my house burned down, grandpa died, I loss my hearing at 5 and had 36 surgerys and in 17 machines. U don't understand how sad it is for her having to be the youngest, to have people to feel sorry for me it makes me cry everyday. So please stop if u believe in ur self and work harder everyday ur dream will come true and don't listen to the rumores or what people think or say ur all so special inside ur own heart...

So please understand thank u very much and have a nice weekend god bless america mwauh....

P.s. My family and I are so gonna sue simon we have already got an lawyer he's so dead meat which means he's going to be fired and no more american idol well good... Cause its fake.... There aren't nothing u can do about it....

Let me just say...*ahem* To the PERSON who claims to be this drowned-out crack whore's SISTER:
"Hey I am hard of hearing (deaf) don't you dare talk shit about my sister she's a great singer you just don't know that. she sings better in real life in person and on the news "

Alright dumbass...if you're DEAF...how the fcuk would YOU know if she sings "better" or at all? Get your story straight before you talk BS.

Hey mimi how I know she sings good is because I used to hear, now I have a coclear implate I can hear again and my right ear isn't so bad as the left and I heard her a lot of times singing when I had my hearing aid earrings on, my cocolear implat on and she's good so am I.... And don't u dare call me a dumb ass I am smart I get straight As and Bs in school got a good gpa duh ur the one who's stupid because u only believe in some stupid fake shows... U will see in the future that ur wrong about everything....

Whoever said this girl doesn't go tanning doesn't know her...and that the show made her put on more make up? please. she works at jimmy johns and her long hair sticks straight out her pony tail cus it has so much hairspray. she looks like a raccoon. she should have used simon's comments as a wake up call but instead she switched high schools.


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