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June 27, 2005

Triumph the Insult Dog Does Hawaii. Weather.

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:06 PM | | Comments ( 0 )

triumph the dog

Surfing the net with nothing better to do? Check out Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as he gives the weather forecast for Hawaii. I wish this freaking puppet did our local forecasts ... he does a better job than real weatherpeople. View it at national lampoon.

Wimbledon 2005: Quips, Quotes, Chokes and, um, Colors

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 10:11 PM | | Comments ( 0 )

Across the pond at Wimbledon, teenage sensation Rafael Nadal went poof! in the second round, as did Englishman Tim Henman, the national hero who's required loss in the semis causes Brits to mourn every June. While no one actually expects Henman to win the dang thing, when his loss finally does arrive the British act surprised: "Tim choked? No! That's pants!"

And that's when "Hen-mania" becomes "Hen-monia." It's like an English tradition: Henman plays well enough to reach the Wimbledon quarterfinals, where's he's now lost four times, and he's reached the semis four times -- but gone 0-4 there too. Last week's loss in the second round is surely, a new low ...

The UK's other Great White Hope is a teenager from Scotland named Andrew "Yes, He can be as good as Wayne Rooney" Murray, who upset the 14th seed Radek Stepanek last week, only to lose in the next round to David Nalbandian. Phfft!! Too bad none of us saw it!! Andy Murray 's loss went unseen on TV, since the lame asses at NBC chose to show the snoozer Andy Roddick blowout while the stadium crowds were treated to the Murray-Nalby duel.

Speaking of underachievers, American Andy Roddick (unrecognizable in the photo) tried to explain why he shaved off the scruff he called a beard: "My mom told me I look like shit -- I mean badly. I don't know, she didn't say that. I just decided it was gonna go..."

She said it. Svetlana Kuznetsova is in the running for "Best Wimbledon Quote" when she tried to compare Wimbledon to the US Open: "Wimbledon is so different, you know. It's completely like black and blue maybe, or white and black, you know, or red and black, whatever, you know. It's just different. It's like Sprite and Coke, you know. Doesn't matter that I love Sprite more than Coke, but it just completely different. But also I would love to do well here..."

Continue reading ...

Goran Vinsjic: A Balkan Bond on Her Majesty's Secret Service?

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 8:43 PM | | Comments ( 0 )

Goran Visnjic picNow this is delicious: imagine hunky Goran Visnjic as the new James Bond. Rumor has it that the "ER" star is among the top names currently being considered to play the next agent 007 in the movies.

But then Jude Law, Ewan McGregor, Dougray Scott, Hugh Jackman, Clive Owen and Daniel Craig are also considered possible contenders to replace the "aging" 52-year-old Pierce Brosnan. Goran, 33, has but an outside chance (he's not British!) but the idea of the incredible tall (6'4") dark Goran as the suave agent is very intriguing. He made a great gladiator/leading man in "Spartacus," and has the female swoon factor to be appealing in the role.

Visnjic ("VISH-nyich") was recently named "One of TV's Sexiest Men" in the June 5, 2005, issue of TV Guide magazine, and he was reportedly in London recently to screen test for "Casino Royale," according to Fox News.

Alas, James Bond with a Croatian accent - no matter how sexy - may be too much for Bond fans to overcome.

The Big Aristotle: Shaquille O'Neal Gets MBA

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 8:38 PM | | Comments ( 2 )

Shaquille O'Neill pic
Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal returned to the forum in L.A. over the weekend to pick up his MBA from the University of Phoenix. The "Big Aristotle" who made good on his promise to his mother to finish his undergraduate business degree from Louisiana State University, has now added a master's degree in business administration to his growing list of achievements.

Shaq describes the graduate degree as a requirement for getting ready for the real world.“It’s just something to have on my resume (for) when I go back into reality,? Shaq said, “Someday I might have to put down a basketball and have a regular 9-to-5 like everybody else.?

The big guy has also stated that he intends to get a second master's, and then work on a Ph.D. In a few short years, we'll be calling him Dr. Shaq. The degree, he says, "solidifies that I'm a businessman." And a positive role model. Congrats to Shaq!

June 24, 2005

The Oprah Snub: Is There More to the Story?

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 9:59 PM | | Comments ( 6 )

Oprah Winfrey picA spokesperson for Oprah Winfrey say the diva isn't likely to ever shop again at any Hermes store after being denied entry after closing time at the store in Paris when the mega-rich hostess turned up to shop for a watch for friend Tina Turner.

The store has issued an explanation that it had closed for the day and was only staffed in order to accommodate a private shopping event, but Oprah's spokesperson Gayle King insists: "People were in the store and they were shopping. Oprah was at the door and she was not allowed into the store... It was one of the most humiliating moments of her life."

That she was not allowed in a store -- any store -- after closing time is a non-story but there are two sides to this one that are coming out. Page Six and the Insider say she was dissed and that someone at Hermes had said she was refused because they had been "having a problem with North Africans lately."

, On the other hand, other witnesses are saying Oprah never got out of the limo and only waited while a staffer went to the door; that she was not identified to the Hermes staff; and there were no racial comments made. Later on, a a surveillance camera indicated that the talk show host was given a card and invited to come back.

Pffftt. Who to believe? I just know that if a non-celebrity and dirt poor civilian such as myself showed up at Hermes, they wouldn't let me in the door DURING open hours. They'd be afraid I'd act like Winona Rider and start stealing stuff.

But I am pretty sure that when Tom Cruise showed up "after hours" at the Eiffel Tower to stage his proposal to Katie Holmes, he wasn't turned away with the excuse of "we've been having trouble with crazy midget alien slayers with enormous egos lately." And if they did, I'd have to side with the French on that one.

Continue reading ...

June 22, 2005

Grunt Up the Volume: Supernova Maria Sharapova

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:37 PM | | Comments ( 0 )

Maria Sharapova picEven if you don't watch tennis (much) you may want to take a look at the emerging star power of the squeaky clean Russian, Maria Sharapova, that grunty queen of screams and the defending Wimbledon Champ who will try to defend her title over the next 10 days.

Maria, 18, is not to be confused with skanky Anna Kournikova, 23, who, uh ... Anna who you ask? Whoa! Wha happened to Anna? Never a champ, Anna was the female player who couldn't win a match to save her life but that didn't stop her from scooping up millions of dollars from companies who wanted her to endorse their stuff. While she did reach the semis in her very first Wimbledon tournament, Anna's career went nowhere fast and she never won a single title. She did, however, turn the NHL All-Stars into her own private dating pool and has since hooked up with Enrique Iglecias. They may even marry someday ... or wait ... they've been married for ... oh, who cares.

The way Anna talks, she still thinks she has what it takes to make a comeback on the tour. In March she said: "If you saw me with my clothes off you'd see that my body is in great shape and ready to take on the world." Uh, Anna, when we see you in the nude with your clothes off it means you've cashed the check and you're posing in Playboy.
, Maria is anxious to get people's attention off Anna and on to herself and she is not past a bit of a slam on her fellow Rusky. She told Sports Illustrated: "People seem to forget that Anna (Kournikova) isn't in the picture anymore. It's Maria-time now." Ooh, nice smack down, M!

Americans should adopt Maria as a home girl, since, well, she is an immigrant and she's the new EVERYTHING in women's tennis. So what if she was born in Siberia, she's become as American as apple pie -- loves the shopping, been living in Florida for 10 years, father left Chernobyl (I'm not making this up) and came to the U.S. with only $700 and now the family makes $15 million a year thanks to Maria. Ah, the American dream -- it works if you having amazing talent ... or at least fabulous long legs.

Still, "The Siberian Siren" has won only one championship. She'll either become a dominant player over the next five years and win a number of titles, or she could be a one tourney wonder like Jana Novotna, Conchita Martinez, and Mary Pierce. But it will still be one more title than Anna ever won. And it was Wimbledon.

Continue reading ...

Are we Hilton'd out yet?

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:22 PM | | Comments ( 1 )

Kathy Hilton pic"It's The Apprentice meets My Fair Lady." That's how Kathy Hilton describes her new reality show, "I Want To Be a Hilton" which will follow the attempts of 14 social climbing wannabes to eat and drink good food, be a clothes horse, and collect B and C-list names at parties. Like Paris does.

Kathy Hilton is the mom of party girls Paris and Nicky and lil' Conrad and what's the-other-kid's-name. She says she wants this to be "a feel-good show": "When I signed up for the show, I said I don't want to be involved with anything that would be humiliating. This show isn't mean-spirited or making fun of anybody. It's a kinder, gentler reality show."

"I Want To Be A Hilton" hosts 14 contestants competing for an extravagant prize package that includes a $200,000 trust fund, new apartment, wardrobe and the opportunity to live the high life (in other words, like a Hilton) for a year.

The show has gotten some mixed reviews but I found it to be a hoot after the black chick called the Vegas girl a "British hoochie." Okay, that got me rolling. Then this hunky gorgeous construction worker from Mississippi named JW (In the words of Paris: "He's hot") did well in the first competition, a dinner party, despite refusing to eat escargot (snail). Escargot? -- EscarNOOOO!!!!! Just give that boy a big ole frahd catfish!
, "It's an acquired taste," JW said. "One that I haven't acquired yet."

The other contestants round out the usual suspects for reality TV: a gay guy, a Texas hick, a token black guy, a plumber from Queens, a trailer park barbie, an annoying Miss Tampa diva who schtick is to break out into song. Often. Then there's the Brit-born Vegas high stepper and Latricia, the sassy motor vehicles clerk. Lots of butt kissers in the group and Mama Hilton is wise to them. She eliminated the gay fragrance salesman last night and he became the first reject to be escorted to the waiting car ala "The Apprentice."

The surviving contestants will continue to try to live the not-so-simple life with upcoming tasks such as: wine sniffing, not falling asleep at a fashion show, the two-cheek air kiss, and delivering the Hilton-eque lightly buttered kiss-off -- or as Jackie O called it: the "P.B.O." (Polite Brush Off).

Hmm... Performing in a sex video with a married Hollywood producer doesn't seem to be one of the tasks...

Mama Hilton says she's often surprised at how many rich people could use a crash course in Etiquette 101. "I've been at very elegant dinner parties where you're in somebody's beautiful apartment or their home and they have gorgeous art on the wall and someone doesn't even know which fork to use," she says. "Money doesn't buy class." Oh, so true Madame Hilton ...

Read about the 14 contestants at realitytvworld.com.

Continue reading ...

June 21, 2005

Dane Cook Spoofs TomKat on Jimmy Kimmel

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 9:36 PM | | Comments ( 0 )

Dane Cook pic
If you dropped out of college last year to get a job blowing leaves, you might not have heard that Dane Cook was named Rolling Stone magazine's "Hot Comic" in 2004, and recently headlined a stand-up comedy tour dubbed Tourgasm. His CD/DVD "Harmful If Swallowed" is terrific.

To get a sample of his appeal, check out how Dane riffs on Tom Cruise during a guest appearance on Jimmy Kimmel, as Nelly cracks up.

You have to watch the video clip through to the very end. It keeps getting funnier.

Lindsay Lohan Would Jump for Wilmer or Johnny or Ashton or...

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 8:53 PM | | Comments ( 5 )

Lindsay Lohan on couch picWell, Lindsay Lohan didn't exactly jump up and down on Jay Leno's couch to proclaim her love for new flame Diego Garcia, Elefant's lead singer, who the teen queen has be discreetly dating according to PageSix.com.

She is keeping the Diego thing hush-hush and insisting that she hasn't found true love since breaking up with Wilmer Valderrama . But hey, she is only 18! ... Back on Leno, Lindsay said that she was happy that the cruiser had found true love and "for everyone who's not in love, I'm gonna pull a Tom!"

Then, as the audience cheered her on, Lindsay did the couch-jumping routine. Even better, after Lindsay composed herself she goes on to say "I love Tom Cruise, but I just had to do it." and adds, "Also for Dean, my security guard." Yeah, but we know she was secretly thinking of Diego Aaron Wilmer when she did it...

When asked about her celebrity crushes, Linds recently told People magazine that she likes "Johnny Depp, but he's married. And Ashton Kutcher is also taken! He's cute!"

Bo Bice Now Says He's Glad He Lost ‘Idol’ Final

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 8:35 PM | | Comments ( 0 )

Bo Bice photo
"The label 'American Idol' was not for me. I'm not a pop person. It would have been harder to play my kind of music if I had won," says American Idol runner-up Bo Bice.

Now working on his own album, Bo said, "I just came in to 'American Idol' being myself. And for some crazy reason, that's what people were wanting. Which is why I am truly the guy who's the most freaked out about everything that's happened."

Read the article at msnbc.com.

Meanwhile ... in related news, the upcoming American Idols Tour is selling well with some tickets going for 10 times their face value ...

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[ #] Tammy on The Oprah Snub: Is There More to the Story? : I agree with most of the posters here and I had to

[ #] bob on Are we Hilton'd out yet? : i think we are hilton-out. like they are always on

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