With all the whacking going on, "Desperate Housewives" has morphed into something resembling "The Sopranos." The season finale on May 22nd, although it tied up a lot of loose ends and plot twists, came off looking more like the backroom at the Bada Bing club, than suburbian Wisteria Lane.
It turns out that Dana/Zach's mom was a crack whore. She sold her baby to Paul and Mary Alice Young, who change the baby's name from Dana to Zach. Mary Alice, the show's dead narrator, makes her first appearance since fatally shooting herself in the first episode last October (yes, it's been a long season hasn't it?) In a flashback, we see that Dierdre is stabbed to death by Mary Alice -- not Paul. Paul stuffs her body into a toy box and disposed of it, so he's an accomplice.
, Mrs. Tilman is beaten with a hockey stick by Zach, who then gets a gun to go kill Mike. Only Mike's not home (he's taken Zach's dad, Paul, to a quarry to whack him, Sopranos-style. Only he doesn't, after he hears what Paul has to say.) Mike is the former boyfriend of Dierdre who thinks Paul killed her, only she was killed by Paul's wife, Mary Alice. As Paul tells Mike the whole sordid mess, we begin to wonder if Zach is Mike's son after all.
Rex Van De Kamp dies in the hospital, believing that his wife Bree has poisoned him with potassium. He scribbles a dramatic farewell note forgiving Bree "for what she has done." He thinks she killed him. But wait, it was was George the pharmacist. But she's gonna be blamed for it! Next season! Just wait and see.
Carlos is on trial for beating up a gay guy who he thought was having an affair with Gabrielle. John the yard boy finally tells Carlos that HE'S the one who's been doing Carlos' wife, by saying: "Didn't you ever wonder why yours is the only lawn on Wisteria that needed to be mowed three times a week?" Carlos explodes in the courtroom and in the process of trying to hit John, accidently hits another gay guy.
Best line by Gabrielle: "Carlos is a jealous, angry Neanderthal. But he's not a gay basher." Even though he's beaten up three of them.
Stay-at-home mom Lynette has been ordered back to work by hubby Tom, who has left his job after Lynette sabotaged his promotion. He announces that he's going to become a stay-at-home dad and Lynette will have to get a job and support the family.
Soooo... who, exactly, is the father of Gabby's baby? What will Carlos do to the unfaithful Gabby? Will Tom become the new gossipy housefrau now that Lynette has to go back to work? Will George score on the new widow Bree, and how will her explosive delinquent son Andrew react to his father's death? Will she be charged with murdering Rex when the note is found? Will teen Zach shoot Mike, who may be his real father? What about the new family that's just moved in? What kind of skeletons will they have in their closet?
Mrs. Tilman is beaten with a hockey stick by Zach, who then gets a gun to go kill Mike. Only Mike's not home (he's taken Zach's dad, Paul, to a quarry to whack him, Sopranos-style. Only he doesn't, after he hears what Paul has to say.) Mike is the former boyfriend of Dierdre who thinks Paul killed her, only she was killed by Paul's wife, Mary Alice. As Paul tells Mike the whole sordid mess, we begin to wonder if Zach is Mike's son after all.
Rex Van De Kamp dies in the hospital, believing that his wife Bree has poisoned him with potassium. He scribbles a dramatic farewell note forgiving Bree "for what she has done." He thinks she killed him. But wait, it was was George the pharmacist. But she's gonna be blamed for it! Next season! Just wait and see.
Carlos is on trial for beating up a gay guy who he thought was having an affair with Gabrielle. John the yard boy finally tells Carlos that HE'S the one who's been doing Carlos' wife, by saying: "Didn't you ever wonder why yours is the only lawn on Wisteria that needed to be mowed three times a week?" Carlos explodes in the courtroom and in the process of trying to hit John, accidently hits another gay guy.
Best line by Gabrielle: "Carlos is a jealous, angry Neanderthal. But he's not a gay basher." Even though he's beaten up three of them.
Stay-at-home mom Lynette has been ordered back to work by hubby Tom, who has left his job after Lynette sabotaged his promotion. He announces that he's going to become a stay-at-home dad and Lynette will have to get a job and support the family.
Soooo... who, exactly, is the father of Gabby's baby? What will Carlos do to the unfaithful Gabby? Will Tom become the new gossipy housefrau now that Lynette has to go back to work? Will George score on the new widow Bree, and how will her explosive delinquent son Andrew react to his father's death? Will she be charged with murdering Rex when the note is found? Will teen Zach shoot Mike, who may be his real father? What about the new family that's just moved in? What kind of skeletons will they have in their closet?
