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Who's Your "Wonder Woman"?

Posted by Fara Kearnes on March 17, 2005 1:20 AM |

The Hollywood trade papers report Thursday morning that your wishes have come true - "Wonder Woman" will likely hit the big screen by the summer of 2006.

The man behind other supergirl flicks such as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Angel" and "Firefly," will be in charge of bringing the brass-boobed bionic bodelicious battling beauty to the big screen. But I can't remember his name and no longer care - it being St. Paddy's day and on my third Guinness and all . . .

"Wonder Woman" is the apex of Amazon chick flicks, and its success will depend on the casting of the role (and a good script) but since my opinion has not been sought after, I offer a few suggestions and comments for the part of the brass boobed wonder with superpower sh*t kicking abilities. Here are a few choice picks and nix:

Angelina Jolie- The chosen one. Queen of the Amazons. But she's already got the I.D. as Laura Croft Tomb Raider. Twice.

Jessica Alba- The fanboys will be howling at the moon for their Wonder Girl ... "Ooo, Jessie Aba is zo hot she HAS 2 B Wunner Wumon" "SHEZ SO OMG HOT" "I luv Jessica, she so roks!" Yeah, but I liked her better as Max. Come to think of it, a big screen "DarK Angel" wouldn't be so bad, as long as they had that hot boy, Jensen Ackles (Alec), in it. And Original Cindy ...

Hilary Swank- she's got the bod fer shur but, Hilary, that sunny chipmunk, is already a two-Oscar legend. This may not be to her taste anymore.

Demi Moore- The body and boyfriend are there, but Demi's too old.

Lindsay Lohan- too young, but she's slimmed down and is starting to look like a younger Liz Hurley. A budding man-eater.

Kate Beckinsale- no way will Katie ever do a role like this after "Van Helsing," and that aweful boob dress. She must have been seriously ill -- or injured -- wearing that corsett costume that was harnessed like a straight jacket squeezing her ribs, then her red and white stripped blouse being strategically accented to highlight her hooters. Not only did it look uncomfortable, but the contraption was so horrifying, who was looking at her face when she appeared on the screen?

Jennifer Connelly- obviously a stretch, I know. Heck, she's got an Oscar in hand and did that very creepy sex scene in Darren Aronofsky's "Requiem for a Dream" -- a movie that you should NEVER let your mother see -- so we know she's of the "serious actress caliber." But damn, after "Hulk" -- Jennifer, honey, YOU OWE US.

Rhona Mitra - The British avatar of the Laura Croft thing back in 1997, long before it became an Angelina thing. Could be too British.

Jessica Simpson- haha! Daisy Duke couldn't kick her own ass.

Jennifer Garner- She couldn't get out of a contract for "Electra," how could she handle this movie? Quite well, I suspect. As long as Ben Affleck's not in it, she could make it rock.

Zhang Ziyi- Princess of the ass-whoop. And the older Michelle Yeoh's, too. Nobody can touch these two crouching tigers. I worship the rice paper they float across.

Diane Kruger. You remember pretty Diane Kruger? She played Helen of Troy, the one who was suppose to be an amazing beauty, "the face that launched a thousand ships." No, of course you don't remember her. Cuz once Brad Pitt showed up in a dress she was quickly forgotten.

Britany Spears- haha! This fat-girl-waiting-to-happen is soon to follow in the vanishing footsteps of Tiffany. Career over, and out.

Serena Williams- now THAT, would be cool.

Sarah Michelle Gellar- isn't she getting tired of these kinds of saving mankind roles?

Jessica Biehl- Yeah, the front-runner. Yawn.


Comments

Attention Biggese stars: pick me I am a natural brunette(well until my hair began to grey at age 23)and I have hazel eyes. I just sent pictures into a local modeling agency and just happened across this site. I am 5'5" and losing weight. I belly-dance for exercise and am used to running in heels chasing my kids. I am 33 and can not have any other children. Let me know if you need some pictures I would love to be considered.


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