Jose Canseco and Omarosa in the Same Nut House

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

You know Jose Canseco as the American male who had it all: a dream baseball career, an MVP trophy, a World Series ring, hot Latin good looks, huge gorgeous lusciously cut biceps . . . uh . . oh, a rumored relationship with Madonna, millions of dollars, cars, mansions, and adoring fans.

Since then, he's written a tell-all book about illegal steroids and other nice-nice tidbits in pro baseball, and thusly, ended his chances to get into the Hall of Fame someday. Fair enough. But with all his riches, it slays me why he would agree to do something as lame as "The Sureal Life," a reality TV show that pits has-been celebrities in a house hoping for a volatile mix. Or just anything interesting.

The upcoming series will feature yet another group of B-list (and c-list) celebs while they are filmed 24/7 living and playing together in a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. The hapless seven are: Jose Canseco, motorcross champ Cory Hart, model Caprice, former model Janice Dickinson, actor Bronson Pinchot, Sandi Denton (Salt-n-Pepa), and former Apprentice diva contestant Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth.
, Let's look at that list one more time: a superstar MVP baseball 'roid head, rock star Pink's boytoy, a vomit diet stick figure model, an aging former 70s supermodel and Sylvester Stallone's ex-fiance, Serge from "Beverly Hills Cop," a gangsta chick, and the evil incarnate herself.

The inclusion of Omarosa shows that VH1 is picking up on the latest trend: recycling outrageous or controversial TV reality show contestants to boast ratings on other shows. (Witness Rob and Ambuh on AR7). Why, Omarosa is actually lucky she didn't win a job with Donald Trump -- she's found a niche just being Omarosa. Imagine, the dumbass winner of "The Apprentice" actually has to shlep around a briefcase and show up for work for a year while many of the other contestants ("You're fired!") are cashing in on their continuing 15 minutes of fame.

Shows have already begun taping. The season premiere is set for September 4. Punches will be thrown.

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Britney Spears Has Something To Say to Y'all

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Like most people, while I could not care less if Britany Spears is preggers or not, it is horrifying to think that Kevin Federline could be spawning - again. and again. and again. This will make, what? 3 babies in 2 years? Who does he think he is? An NBA player?

Britney is constantly photographed at the checkout stand buying tabloids, yet, she took a stab at them at her website, calling everybody fat, ranting about employees being liars and God knows what . . . , Dear False Tabloids,

As you read this letter, I bet you are asking yourself: Who? Who, me? Am I a false tabloid? Well, I don't know. But after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions. Your employees are a reflection of your magazine. Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars? It seems to me that you'd prefer the latter. I'm really concerned about the people you hire to work at your companies. I'd like them to ask themselves the question, "What am I lying to myself about?" Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren't making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you'll remain a false tabloid.

Britney

P.S. People magazine is great in my book!"

Wole . . . I was an english major, yo, but I have no clue what she's gettin at here. What exactly is she trying to say?

Star and Us Weekly have reported that the pop star is three months pregnant and claiming that her recent visit to a doctor's office was to get a sonogram. They've also noted that Spears hasn't been photographed drinking or smoking, and that both tabloids have run pictures showing Spears has gained weight in her boobs, butt and bun oven.

Britney says the weight gain is due to love - that is, the "honeymoon aftereffect."

Excuse me, but . . . isn't pregnancy, like, the ultimate "honeymoon aftereffect"? Meanwhile, off in Vegas, K-Fed is celebrating his little wife's rumored pregnancy by partying with prostitutes and booking "VIP escort" services. You know what they say . . . What happens in Vegas... ends up in the US Weekly.

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Bulletin from Hell: Ozzy's House Up in Smoke

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

SEVENTH LEVEL, HELL - The Prince and First Lady of Darkness escaped unharmed from the flames that licked the walls of their doomed mansion in Buckinghamshire, England, yesterday.

Glad to hear our beloved Ozzy, that rascally tattooed, wild-eyed godfather of heavy metal, is safe but as for the burned house - it's toast. Boos all around.

Sharoooooooon!

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne fled to safety, with their dogs, to an outdoor garden. Some folks were treated for smoke inhalation but I sure it couldn't have been as bad as the smoke machine at a Black Sabbath concert. Sharoooooooon!, "I am beginning to wonder when this bad luck's ever going to stop," Sharon, 51, is quoted as telling Britain's Sun tabloid about the fire.

Besides Sharon's recent battle with cancer and son Jack's battle with drugs, last November thieves broke into the mansion and stole jewelry. Then there was the scene a few months ago when Ozzy suffered a near-fatal crash on a friggin' four-wheeler, at high speeds, while on the grounds of the estate. And he's got arthritis.

Let's hope this nasty streak of hard luck ends soon for the Osbournes . . .

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Lisa Marie Tells Oprah that Jacko was Normal

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lisa Marie looks great, but her mom Priscilla Presley looks like she's had six too many eyelifts and chemical peels. She's absolutely scary looking - like the Joker from Batman. She used to be a natural beauty, but it doesn't work when you're trying to look sixteen again. Her face looks like a mask and there's not a single line or wrinkle around the eyes, and the upper lip is definitely FUBAR. At least she's left her nose alone. I wonder if she's seeing the same plastic doctor as her former son-in-law, Michael Jackson

Anyhoo, the appearance on "Oprah" was Lisa Marie's chance to plug her new single "Dirty Laundry," but Oprah focused her questions more on LM's private life and her relationship with Jackson. Lisa Marie and Jackson were married from 1994 to 1996 and she continues to claim that it was a real marriage and she truly did love Jackson at the time.

She told Oprah that Jackson tried to ease her fears that he was weird: "He went very much out of his way to deprogram me of any previous ideas I might have had of him. He sat me down and said, 'I know you think this and I know you think that.' He was completely normal.", Other revealing tidbits: "Do you think Michael loved you?" Winfrey asked Presley.

"It's hard for me to answer that question. I don't know the answer to that, to be honest with you," Lisa Marie answered.

"Do you think he used you?"

". . . All signs point to yes on that."

Presley told Winfrey she was naive when she met Jackson and that he snowed her over and she wanted to help him with his problems. "At that time, the way that he did that looped me into, 'Oh my God, you poor misunderstood soul, I feel really bad for you,'" the 37-year-old singer said.

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Bu-bye Ray & Deana. Or, Bleed Like Me

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 4:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Ashton Spoofs Federline on SNL

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 11:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Punk master Ashton Kutcher rules! He really made SNL enjoyable to watch this past weekend when he mocked Kevin Federline by donning "Federline underwear" for a skit. Ashton played the talent-challenged Federline, basically looking greasy and dirty in nothing but tighty whities.

Rolling around a bed wearing a white pair of briefs with 'Federline' emblazoned across the band, Kutcher blasts, "I look like I might stink, yo, but I don't...

"Britney thinks I look best in my underwear. By the way, Britney keeps her underwear over there and over here, and over there in that big pile. Most of the time she keeps 'em in my mouth." Hilarity ensues!

"The Office" : Please Send us the British Version

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 10:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you watched the premiere of the Yankee version of "The Office" last week, you're painfully aware that, although the show wasn't bad, it didn't stand up to the Brit version with the original funny guy, Ricky Gervais.

It lacks the oozing squirm factor of the brilliant Gervais: the quick glances at the camera, the nervous ticks, the desperate seeking of approval. The BBC "Office" was painful to watch, yes, because of Gervais who gave the smarmy self-important boss, David, such a train-wreck quality.

With quotes like: "There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches and some of you will lose your jobs… On a more positive note the good news is I’ve been promoted - so… every cloud… yeah, yeah... you’re still thinking about the bad news aren’t you?" , Now if you saw the British version, you probably enjoyed cringing through the politically incorrect racial remarks and stupid office pranks, but you may yet like the American version that shows beaten office workers struggling to get through another day. If you can relate to it from your own work place experience -- then, good, it's SUPPOSE to make your skin crawl.

"The Office" is not for everyone, but if you like dry, sarcastic humor, and you can appreciate the mortifying aspects of working in a psychologically injurious white-color job environment, with cubicles or (gads!) open desks pushed up against each other! -- give the American show a try. Phft, I've actually rubbed elbows at the copy machine with such creepy co-workers . . . I'm sure you have too.

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Rhona Mitra Beats Out Orlando Bloom at Charity

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 7:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Don't be a silly Girl. British actress Rhona Mitra was terrified when she put herself up for auction recently - because she feared nobody would want to pay for a date with her. The former London clubber proves she's still hot.

Mitra offered a few hours in her company to the highest bidder at a fundraiser for the "Peace Games charity," which tries to keep violence out of schools.

"I've done theatre and dealt with it fine, but at the auction I was really scared! I was like, 'Please get me off the stage!' I was like, How humiliating, I'm going to get like five bucks!" Rhona told contractmusic.com.

Mitra's worries were unfounded - she fetched $10,000 (GBP 5,250). And beat the pirate pants off strong contender Orlando Bloom, one of the most squealed over guys on the planet.

, "I was the top deal of the night," Rhona later boasted, obviously relieved. "Orlando Bloom auctioned off a walk around the set of 'Pirates of the Caribeean: Dead Man's Chest' and I beat him!"

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Jessica Alba Revealing in GQ Spread

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 3:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jessica Alba is reporting that her daddy is like, so not pleased over her nude and semi-naked spread in the April issue of GQ men's magazine.

Not that the photos are skanky and revealing like a Penthouse spread, but his response was definitely not that of Ashlee and Jessica Simpson's wierd pop, who is forever bragging about his daughters' boobs. Mr. Alba was shocked by the flash of skin.

Jessica related, that her barely-covered curves on the layout has left her dad extremely unimpressed: "I called my father and I said, 'Dad, I sorta did this naked kinda photoshoot thing, but hear me out - it's not bad, it's very tasteful. It's for GQ. I'm not showing anything really.'

"And he was like, 'What then? Really?'
, And I said, 'Yeah, maybe you shouldn't look at it. Like maybe none of your friends should look at it either and then you won't have a problem with it!'

"He actually saw it and he said, 'It's a lot worse than I thought! Why would you disrespect me like that? Now everyone's gonna see you like that!'

I was like, 'I'm sorry, dad!'" She later added, "When you're in the moment you don't really think about the results."

Hmmm, wonder what he'll say when he sees her working the pole in her stripper scene in "Sin City"?

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Jordan Brewster Plays Smoozy Villain in 'D.E.B.S.'

Posted by Fara Kearnes at 2:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Jordana Brewster is back after a long spell. "The Faculty" star back and this time plays an evil nemesis of a squad of agent chicks whose mini-skirts belie their crime-fighting abilities.

Don't know if a movie can sustain interest when the "hook" is lesbian puppy-love, and the spoof is that it's about a bunch of Debutantes who are recruited because they specialize in lying, cheating and killing.

Jordana, has been out of sight the past couple of years - since her spin in "The Fast and the Furious." She has been hard at work finishing her bachelor’s degree at Yale University. Hopefully, now that school is finished, she'll have more time to devote to her acting career.
, Jordana took some time to warm up to the role of the flirty villain in "D.E.B.S." She's straight, not a switch-hitter, and in fact, had just broken up with her boyfriend prior to shooting the film.

She said that she came onto the set complaining to the director of being "heartbroken" over her lost love. Jordan said that the director, Angela Robinson, suddenly, "had this look of fear on her face, and it was like, ‘Oh, shit, what did I do casting her? She’s just a little girly girl. We’re screwed.’"

But Jordana, the 24-year-old beauty, who has an awesome career in her future, pulls it off. Ultimately, it could achieve small cult classic status, which is what Jordana is hoping for.

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